whats happening?:(

hi all,well im in a dilemma
j has ADHD&come along brill since he started his meds
his brother m(7) was always seen as a *good* boy although he has his moments but his behaviour has started to get worse(steadily over 2 years) when he kicks off he kicks off big time over the smallest thing such as being given cocopops instead of shreddies! he shouts,spits,grunts at people,stamps upstairs,hits walls and has kicked part of my wall in!
he throws things such as boots,shoes,pens etc when hes angry
ive spoken to school about this and the were suprised to hear about his behaviour as hes good at school and very bright!
fri was prob the worst day ever,my sister in law came with me to pick up j&m,we got there and m was jumping around the cloakroom,knocking chairs over, his aunty said"oh my m please calm down" to which he shouted "I cant i cant!!
we got home and all hell broke loose,he ws deliberately annoying people,running around,shouting,screaming&being totally off the wall, my brother gave him a good telling off and m thought this was funny,he said"that was funny wen uncle c told me off cos he was spitting in my face" he just laughed about it so my bro took his bike off his as a punishment(fair do;s as they really are supportive to us all) m only went for his uncle with a bloody crow bar!!
he was sent to his room but carried on shouting out of his window&hitting it with his foam baseball bat,this behaviour went on for 3 hours!! i ended up in tears.ive been in touch with family support and they are going to try get me a referal to camhs,m also like to snip things up wether it be leaflets/bobbles/paper/mouse mats!
f/s asked if hes *copying his brother* and I said no,j has really settled down,yet he will be punished if hes naughty,yet any punishment given to mason doesnt register,he does the same thing again! we were going to the shop the other day&had to cross the road m was on his bike and i said"wait,there is a car coming" m rode straight across the road!
he admits he doesnt like to wait for things,one morning i was making brekky&m asked for fresh orange"ok i said hang on one sec while i get the toast out,but he was straight in the drawer for the scissors and snipped all the top off the orange sending it flying,I asked why he didnt just wait 1 sec and he said he didnt know.ive started to sit him in the downstairs loo for his time out as its the only place he cant fiddle with anything,his aunty did the same yest while i was out getting a drier with my brother and m was jumping on the loo seat trying to get out of the window&he snapped the loo seat clean off then said to his aunty"well it wasnt MY fault!" im writing it all down for f/s and will recorded his next outburst to show school!
m sometimes will write things down on paper instead of asking me,even when im sat next to him such as 'when is tea ready? or he spells things out like c,a,n, i h,a,v,e a d,r,i,n,k
i just dont know what to think,im just glad family and friends have witnessed his behaviours, i dont think school believe how bad he is&doubt il get any backing from them
any ideas/advice would be greatly appreciated
lolly xx

This is really difficult hun when our children behave differently in different settings, they will show themselves in their true colours with those who they feel totally comfortable with (their safe haven).

You know ur child and u know what ALL thier quirks are (good & bad) i know T and what makes him angry and whether he shows it to others at the time or not he will most definately tell me, even if its days or weeks later he can very upset about how something was when he was with someone else.

I would have a word with ur HV firstly and discuss ur concerns with her/him, keep a log of what happens and what makes him lose it (all evidence in regards to his profile).

Yes ur son may be bright but like a nurse said to me that does not mean a bright child cannot have any underlying problems! This aspect of my continuous battle makes so so very angry!

Good luck hun and do let us know how it goes

Bless ya. I agree with what Bambi has said cos all these children show different behaviours at different times. Hopefully he is just copying to get the attention but only time will tell. xx

im just at a loss til f/s get in touch again,I would have of put my last penny on m not having ADHD like his brother, but now,im not so convinced..I dont want him to be diagnosed with anything but i need to know if theres *something* so i know what im dealing with and can help him the best i can,I hope he is*copying* his brothers behaviour but I doubt it,how would m know that j started spitting and swearing&showing bizarre behaviour at 6/7,its just like history repeating itself&its making me worry,ive asked m why he is so good at school and the only answer i get is"i dont know but im scared of the teachers" i really think there is something not right,maybe im wrong but im his mum&no matter wot school say,i know him better than them..just at a brick wall at the moment:(
thanks for your help honeyz xx

It would seem that there IS a problem, but that doesn't mean that it's lifelong or permanent.

Maybe there is something at home that is worrying him? A new person on the scene or a familiar one leaving?

Does HE think that his brother gets more attention from you? Does he think to himself that he'll get more attention if he behaves in a certain way?

Don't worry about the "he's not like it at school" thing. Bambi is spot on with what she says about them being in their comfort zone with us. C's teachers were shocked when they found out how aggressive and violent C is towards me, she shows no behaviour like that at school.

Just write it all down and see if there are any 'triggers' to his outbursts. I found a food diary helped when C was really difficult to cope with, it's incredible how much quieter life became when I stopped letting her eat anything with red food dye in!

Hang on in there. We're here to help you in any way we can. Even if it's just someone to rant at.

AWW BLESS YA!! i do know one thing he cant have and thats cherryade lol,ive asked if he thinks i give j more attention&he said"no mummy u treat us the same" and theres nothing at home thats changed as in new person or one leaving etc,this is what baffles me,i could understand if i had a string of boyfriends(i shud be so lucky lol) but ive been on my own since the day i left their dad,ive also had his hearing tested and he passed,he gets frustrated when he forgets to take things to school or cant find clothes etc..who knows..only time will tell,lets just hope its a phase :crosses fingers:
thanks for your support honeyz at least u understand were im coming from!
xx

well been told to do a parenting course before fss will help me.told them i did *instructions not included* about behaviour
but told to do another course because it WILL change M .
my support worker came with a mental health nurse to chat to me&m,the nurse said"im not here to judge or criticise"
but thats how i felt even M said he didnt feel comfy talking to her on his own,I explained this&she said"oh thats because he will of been embarrassed about his behaviour&he feels like the naughty boy,if u keep punishing all the time hes going to feel like the naughty boy"
so I said to her"ok,so when hes throwing scissors around do I just ignore it and hope for the best?!!
NO.i will sit him on the stairs or ground him depending how bad his behaviour is!
then she said IM not here to judge you as a parent and I can see he has behavioural problem&is very challenging"then asked me when i noticed it happening,I told her"just b4 he turned 6" she told me"oh then you,ve let your strategies slip&you got 2 years of that to undo now" Charmin! who's not here to judge or crisicise!!

Wow these people make me sick coz they DO judge us! Try walking a mile in our bloody shoes and see!!! i get so angry and im sorry ur going through this hun

I too was told i need parenting classes but since that the childrens disability nurse and our family support worker have said its not my parenting that is the problem, why do we have to be put through this crap before the real help comes?

well.I saw my support worker yest(she's just like me)the *mental health nurse* that said *oooh doo a parenting course*(who leaves her job nxt week!) told my support worker" I think its beyond parenting,especially with the dangerous behaviour,eg jumping from windows and forgetting things"
maybe we should refer to camhs!
so basically she told me im s**t & to do a course but then says to my support worker*its past parenting,there is a behavioural issue"
all I can say is,THANKS FOR NOTHING apart from making me feel like I did,AND IM GLAD YOUR LEAVING!

Idiots as usual then these so called professionals! xx

had a reply back from the nurse who did the assessment apparently i let m watch tv till 11pm and he shares a bed with his brother because he doesnt have a mattress for his(it hadnt been delivered) and his presentation is due to the fact we have developed unhelpful ways of communicating with each other&faliure to follow recomendations could result in us having a chronic conflictual relationship
charming&also no boundries in place..ermm he triec to post his skateboard thru the window so i tuk it off him..isnt that doing something???

good news my f/s worker AND her manager agreed that the*mental health nurse* picked on me as a parent and failed to mention in her letter the positive things we do as a family or the boundries I set also she has seen M for 20 mins but claimed she carried out a FULL mental health assessment.I have been given an address to send my complaint to and also request a 2nd opinion as the *assessment* was unfair&contradictive on both mine &M's part
hope all you hunnys ok
loads love&hugs
lozzy xxx

yay!

A step in the right direction!

sure is,thanks hun..hope everyone ok..had troubles with AOL again.M been refered to early intervention behaviour support.his teacher says hes moody&stroppy&needs more reassurance than other kids in the class&has told m off for swinging on his chair&laying on his desk cos he is bored..yet he has no issues with his behaviour????
told him thats not helping m! told him family support are involved
so if i can see these things m does and his teacher has noticed things,why does he say no issues
hugs to all
xxx

seen support worker today,she has spoke to the mh nurse who admitted she found her *assessment* confusing!
sent my letter of complaint in and said"if its my parenting then how do i make m be forgetful&i suppose i put the *voices* in his head(m told me if he is concentrating on his work& if he hears a noise outside the classroom he HAS to look cos it distracts him) suppose i make him forget to eat aswell and put the *tickly* feeling in his body which makes him swing his legs or fidget!
my support work agreed with me totally and has referred him to early intervention behaviour clinc!

hugs to all xxx

hi to u all,M been seen at behaviour clinic,got a new health visitor,im now doing PPP for 4 wks,focusing entirely on M's behaviour,nothing else.
i told my h/v all about the last h/v she agrees i was 'judged' and from what she has seen&heard from me that 'M' does have problems which is not down to parenting,he doesnt comprehend/understand what is asked of him.not to mention his attention span or lack of understanding danger, also he finds it hard to cope with routine changes,she is visiting me again on weds&said if M doesnt change or show improvment in 4 weeks,she will refer To C.A.M.H.S. AT LAST IM MAYBE GETTING THROUGH!
hugs to all xx

Awwww thats really great news Lolly

thanks hun

Awww wow thats great news Lolly! i wish u all the best in getting the help that is needed for both u and M, oooh i love it when our concerns get heard and were not judged!

good luck lolly, that h/v sounds really good xx

thanks u guys,yeah she's a lovely woma,&actually listens&doesnt answer you like shes reading from a text book!

h/v been again today&she has discussed M with her colleagues &They say M appears to have*hypersensivity*
(dont know how its spelt) as he is distracted by other things around him( mainly voices)and they agree he needs to be seen professionally,she is geting in touch with another m/h nurse to do an assessment as he shows other traits of ADHD.so poss gunna refer him to camhs....great:( at least i know now people are listening&not blaming me!
hugs to all xx

awww great news Lolly

thanks hun:)

m has been refered to camhs,h/v spoke to m/h nurse&she said "refer him immediately.no questions asked!they know ive dun behaviour courses/triple P and am currently on another course *how to deal with challenging behaviour*
yet the last mental health nurse did a *full mental assessment*in 20mins&said no other intervention needed,she didnt LISTEN,just read from a book
yet my h/v and other m/h nurse agree there could be a problem..at last im being heard&not fobbed off..just like school are doing!
so far ive been told m is copying his brother and hes *at that age*
h/v told me that is a total cop out cos they cant be arsed to deal with the reality!
hope all ok
hugs,lolly xxx

About blooming time they listened to you Lolly

Awww hun i so pray for u that u get the help u need and so rightly deserve!

thanks u guys,well m's behaviour geting worse at school ive been collared by 3 diffrent teachers this week,he wont sit still,refuses to do as he is told,runs out of class,shouts out,is rude..well well I said"welcome to my world,ive been telling u this is how he behaves at home!"
its like history repeating itself,J's behaviour started to get more noticable from age 6,and was really bad by age 8 just same as m!
school didnt listen then,nor are they now!m's teacher told me its not adhd add/odd/autism but its SOMETHING ELSE&looked straight at me!
told him ive done 4 behaviour and parenting courses so if its my parenting,how did i make his brother behave the way he did at 8 years old and how have i managed to make m behave exactly like his brother now that he is 8!!??!!
well the school support worker is really helping,she wants to know what the school are gunna do to help as she thinks it is adhd,wouldnt suprise me cos ive looked back at how their dad was and I reckon he had it too!

Of course teachers know our kids better then us and of course you taught him all the exact same behaviours as is brother and you also told him to show them at the exact same age his brother did aswell Lolly.

Oooops was i being sarcastic then lol

heehee i know u were hun but those were my exact words to the school support worker&she agrees totally,If i were that good and could change my childrens behaviour id make j an airline pilot& m a pro footballer!lol!
school told the support worker on fri"all this behaviour is new to us!!"
she told them "WRONG!,this is how m has been at home for a long time&u havent noticed or 'seen' the things he has done cos there are sum really bad kids in the class&m has gone unoticed..till now!" also school said"hes's acting up cos others in the class do and hes copying..ok why has he started'copying' now!oh and that it cud be because j starts secondary school later this this year,excuse after excuse school support even saw m banging another boys head on the wall while walking down the corridor,she challenged him about this&he looked at her puzzled and appeared to not know what he'd done!
anyway we gunna get conners reports sorted out&hopefully we get to the bottom of things!
hope u ok
hugs
xx

Well heres hopeing that they DO really HELP you Lolly after the way authorities keeep letting Bambi and others down so badly

Lolly i pray for u to get the help u need and for all of ur family.

Our lives with our children are not easy and as the saying goes 'walk a mile in my shoes' then tell us there is nothing amiss! it makes me so angry that we as loving, caring parents are ignored to the extent in which we are.

My life has been turned upside down and i will never forgive or forget how the 'powers that be' have terribly failed my son and myself, the only comfort i have is that i know i am not alone and what a sad thing that is, knowing many parents live the hell that i have

Keep on for as long u can hun, i did all i could and even when T was in the care of school he wasnt safe, all he wanted to do was run away from being hurt all the time, he was so unhappy and it pains me that sch did this to him and they ignored his fears...calling me an over anxious parent...the cheek!

Take care hunny

thanks hun&yr right,walk HALF a mile in our shoes&then say nothing is amiss!
its annoying cos so called professionals(teachers) know all about our children because they see them for 6 hours a day, NOT!
they dont see all the behaviours/tantrums/difficulties nor do they get woke at 3 am because of nightmares, or have to organise every thing just to be able to get to school in a morning!i reckon what we do for our kids every morning just to get out of the door is more than they do in a day!
hope your going on ok bambi big hugs
xx

well m has an apt at cams in 4 wks..how fast is that?!? took me 7mths to get j seen!
school still not having it although the head admits M has a concentration problem&his behaviour is not improving!
m is now on traffics lights and a tick chart most of which contains disruptive behaviour/walking out of class/incidents&refusing to do work/bubbling over.moody&sulky..obviously thats his age or my parenting..if so then why has he been refered to camhs! oh I also found out j&m's dad had appalling behaviour/difficulties as a child which all point towards him having adhd..so..i making m's behaviour probs up for fun then
hugs to all xx

yup that is fast. Hopefully now you will get the help for him Lolly

At least school are useing strategies for him though.

ive had 2 V bad days with M,in temper today he has shoved J off his bed onto a set of drawers injuring his head,arm,wrist&back,I really thought M had broke J's wrist.
luckily all 0k.M been so hyperactive& at it nonstop today.I have taken away his bike,DS&internet time,put him in bedroom 3 times today only to be met with "boo f***IN hoo,abuse,stamping,throwing remotes at doors,hitting walls,climbing out of windows and wishing he was dead.
WHAT can I do?
ive been very calm with him,even when he started to smash hell out of the laptop,I didnt say anything just simply took it off him,shut it down&put it away.
he's been intentionally annoying allday(making noises&banging) while me&J watched a recorded*you been framed*
he has carried on&on so I tuk him upstairs again&he threw himself into the wall in temper&now has a friction burn on his shoulder which is swollen,ive checked him over&its not broke or anything,at the time i was an F'in abusing b*** but he has since come around,apologised&said" sorry I said that,it was me that hurt myself not you mummy&IM SORRY and my body makes me do things not ME,ive just got to do it&cant help it cos my body says so,SORRY MUMMY.
we have had cuddles&talked&i know hes telling the truth,school dont see this tho do they! i know there is something amiss with M and im 100% sure he is ADHD/ODD.
only time will tell
xx

Maybe take him to see the health visitor and gp Lolly maybe they will give him a mild sedative to calm him down a bit. Or of they wont then just put him in his bedroom and tell him to take 10 deep breaths that used to work with A but well it doesnt now though. But you could give it a try

thanks hun.il try the deep breathing.I did that with j and gp put him on diazepam which made him have terrible migranes.il try making him take deep breaths but i dont reckon we will even get to 3 I asked him to come in from the garden today cos it was chucking it down&that started a kick off.he jumped up&down&stamped for 20mins and I let him get on with it.we he gets like that theres no reasoning till hes calmed down.its so hard but il just have to hold out for his camhs apt in 18days

Awwwww well even counting to 3 might calm him down a bit Lolly.

Blah i just wish this still worked with A *sighs*

Wel thats less then 3 weeks to go now until his cahms appointment so hopefully he will show his behaviour to them

Take care Lolly hang on in there

aww thanks hun I sure will,my friend and I took our boys to a theme park today,she has 2 boys,both dx with adhd and I have one dx with adhd,yet M who is un dx as yet stood out from the rest of them behaviour wise,tantrums,defiance etc,they looked like well behaved children&he looked like the only one with adhd,hes been so challenging&difficult.I know he will show his behaviour,hes done it at home and school so a trip to camhs will be M being m on any normal day lol:)
hope you ok too hun
xx

Well at least your guaranteed for him to show his behaviour for the cahms team hehe.

I'm not so good but oh well the school hols are nearly over with now thank goodness.

sorry to hear u not good,anything i can help with hun? ifnot i hope u feel better soon
hugs xx

Is it bad for me to be thinking goodness the easter hols are over?

Well anyways wether it is or not thats what i am thinking now, aswell as I hope he comes home in a good mood today.

Still I'll keep me pecker up the weather is lovely so at least i can get out for some good long walks again.

Thanks though Lolly i think i just needed someone to know that i wasnt feeling so good

aww thats ok hun,but dont feel bad,i cant wait for the hols to be over,means a bit of peace lol.yep its lovely here too kids on trampoline playing so nice for a change lol:)

*sighs*

Still no let up in behaviour. A came home from school yesterday with his school bag all dropping apart. Plus he had lost his PE shorts aswell.

Anyways a phone call to school today and they found his shorts. We had to take a bus ride to get him a new school bag though then we walked home with the dog and you guessed it, it started raining.

Then we have had more arguing etc etc etc.

ps they even argued when they were on the trampoline aswell

aww no hun.still no let up here either.m threatend his brother with a pair of nail scissors yesterday cos he went in his room.he chased him into the bathroom&was jabbing the scissors at him.thank god I got them off him although I dont think we would of ACTUALLY done it,then again cant be too sure as m is unpredictable!

OH God Lolly. I think I'll be glad when Puberty is finally over for A maybe it might calm him down a bit.

Anyways yesterday I said about going for a walk and A moaned i was just gonna go for a 3 mile walk anyways after all the moaning he did I said okey then coz of all the moaning you've done we'll walk into town thats a good 5 or 6 mile walk so that calmed him down yesterday he was so tired lol.

Today though things are back to normal and he is being so defiant grrrrrrrr. Anyways it cant last forever now can it.

Hope everythings ok with you huggsss

hi all:) well we been to camhs&they sending me out connors reports&go from there,hope all ok
big hugs
lolly xx

well m's teacher has done the connors and i heard from a ta she was suprised at the scores he gave giving m's behaviour! I knew he would do it like that,hes already made his mind up what is wrong/not wrong with m.im really p****d off with him,he doesnt have to live with m.im done with school,they havent helped me at all they just give their opinions&think they know everything

Awww hun im really sorry to hear this it amazes how the system is but then with the MPs taking all the money for themselves (nothing less than corruption IMO) what do we expect to be available for the old and disbaled in this country? zilch.. thats what!

All i can advise is never give up, we are loving parents who will be there for our children every step of the way.

Take care