Worried about school

I was always under the impression that C's school was generally a good one.

They very swiftly organised CAS involvement and everything that brings, and from that C has a fantastic paed and school nurse.

They are incredibly keen to show that they are an "inclusive school", which I felt was a good thing, as it shows an understanding of Autistic and AS kids and a need to help.

I am now beginning to find that all in the garden isn't smelling of roses and instead the smell is more like manure than beautiful flowers!!

As you know, I have been attending ASD sessions organised by the school with Outreach teachers from an Autistic school. It was not until Friday, when having a free and frank discussion with other parents and LEA reps that I find that other kids are being excluded and suspended for behaviours that are classic ASD. Surely a school which prides itself on being "inclusive" should punish the child as befits the crime as opposed to punishment for being ASD?

The LEA also suggested that we as parents weren't handling the triggers for our children's "meltdowns" or "outbursts" or whatever you wish to call them.

Like it's our fault.

This is exactly how the conversation went when I couldn't hold my tongue any longer:

"But what do you do when the demand is the trigger? She has PDA."

Silence

"You can't not ask her to do something in case it upsets her. That's ridiculous"

Silence

"So when she lashes out as she can't cope anymore, you'll exclude her"

Silence

Now I know that my problems are nothing compared to others on here, but I keep hearing bad things about this school. Only today I overheard a conversation between 2 mothers where one was saying that she'd had enough and her daughter wasn't coming back to this school. Not that was only a snapshot and it could have been for a myriad of reasons, but it doesn't help.

It seems that school are including the children but not their conditions. How is this fair?

If I leave her there, then the distinction between her and her classmates is going to get even bigger than it is already.

If I send her elsewhere, the situation could be worse and she'll be unhappy.

If I go with a previous thought, and home educate (something I am prepared to do) will being together 24/7 drive us both crazy?

I feel that she needs the other children around her, even if she doesn't take much notice of them, and I know she misses them during school holidays.

I am no longer happy for her to be there, but is it a case of better the devil you know?

It's not isolated cases with just one teacher either. C has already been called "selfish" by her teacher and I dislike intently the way they discuss her, with a silly little grin as if she's a joke.

Awww hun

Ok so now u have to start thinking what is best for c for her to reach her full potential and most of all be very happy and contented with attending school (VERY hard i know!).

I totally understand what ur fears are and the concerns u have about how c is perseved and treated and if they dont have the time to try to be fully understanding of c then u could be fighting a losing battle.

Firstly i would suggest u apply for a statement of special educational needs (sorry dunno if she already has one) and u dont have to have the say so of the school to apply, parents can do this also without the support of the school. If this application gets refused then appeal ( i know more battles but will be worth it in the end). If they refuse to assess then they should send u info on how to appeal through SENDIST and the tribunal (if it gets to this stage) is not connected to the LEA at all, they are totally independant.

Next i would suggest u have a meeting and put this in writing to the school giving them a time limit in which u want them to reply with a meeting date. At this meeting state ALL ur concerns and documentate it all and let them know of ur wishes to get c a statement as u can see the older she gets the harder school on a whole is going to be for her, as a loving and caring parent u want the best for ur daughter so things need to be set in stone sooner rather than later. Dont let them tell u hun u MUST tell them, whether they hear or care is a different thing of course but we can only but try.

Keep a note of all the things u know that have happened and do happen, dates and what the situation in school was. I do this on a regualr and for instance this morn i had to have a word with Ts teacher and this is why....T had brough home last weds a spellings list and it stated clearly on the list that the children would be tested on Friday 22nd June. Well when T finished school on Friday he informed me that this had not happened and of course T was thrown by this (he doesnt cope with things not happen when they should, u all know the score!). So i have had nothing but violence and grief right up until today over this spelling test that did not happen and he revised so hard for it aswel bless him. I explained to his teacher that this was the case and because T saw it very clearly marked when the test would happen it has thrown him resulting in me getting grief for it. She said he doesnt say anything in class and i said that is typical of T and i said to her im aware she has witnessed Ts behaviour at the end of the day sometimes, like he didnt want me to read his certificate i could only read the words he told me to, typical!

His teacher is very nice i have to say and she then advised me that she would take T aside and sit and do the test he revised for and make him happier that at last they have done it, she said spelling tests dont always happen and i said well T wont cope with that as he is very literal and if things are noted in black and white he expects them to happen, She agreed that with the quirks he has and how things can upset him that its best i tell her what is bothering T so that we can both be aware and make things easier for him in that repsect, a very nice teacher indeed.

When teaching staff go silent when in discussions hun its not a good sign, i have had to challenge professionals for so long and if they cant answer me when i expect an answer (especially when they should know what they are doing) then it gets my back up and i cant deny that, so i totally understands all ur concerns here.

Maybe look around for a school with good SEN policy is an option? she is young still and a change of school would do no harm. Ts school has a good SEN policy and thats what drew me to sending him there and so far i cant complain, even though T can at times but thats his special needs all over!

I wish u all the luck in the world hun to get this sorted and boy do i know the fight we have to fight to get there, nothing is easy for us so i guess we all get used to constant battles which is a sad fact but thats our life.

Charlotte's best friend M has an older brother who has AS. He goes to the same school as C and M and (obviously) school is aware of J and his condition.
To 'help' him, they have organised some extra coaching(?) for him before school starts....5 minutes first thing in the morning, at a table with a teacher IN THE MAIN CORRIDOR.
How is going to help him? His classroom is directly opposite Reception class, which is the busiest class in the entire school as we parents leave our children inside the class.
So poor little J is trying to concentrate with all the hustle and bustle of parents dropping off kids, people staring and wondering why he's there...
When his mum questioned them and complained, their reply? "Oh, we didn't think". No you certainly didn't!

Idiots!!