Help & Advice needed, please

Hiya!

I have just been told off by one of Charlotte's interim headteachers and I need to know if she was justified or not, so could you guys help me put a bit of perspective on it? (Please be honest! I can take it)

It a bit of a novel, I'm afraid, so please bear with me!

Right then, now that C is in Year 1 the routine is that all the children line up in the playground and traipse into class with their teacher. C cannot do this, as she runs away. So we get to school after everyone has already gone in.

Once inside I make sure she hangs up her coat, puts her book bag and water bottle away and stores away her lunch box.

We have done this ever since her first day in reception and she sees it as part of the school routine. If I didn't do it, she would most probably just walk off or sit there with her coat on and all her stuff all over the floor. This would cause much disruption to the class as C is being 'different' to them and (5 year olds being 5 year olds) comments would be made.

So, today, I have just got there when this headteacher sails into the classroom and very condescendingly asks me if everything is OK and then proceeds to tell me that "you must allow them to be independant". "Them" as in children or "them" as in Special Needs children? No idea. Had I left when she told me to C would have been very upset and possibly disrupted the lesson which had (apparently) already started.

If I simply left her to get on with it (as the other parents do) then she wouldn't be able to cope (probably) as it's new and different and PDA doesn't allow for new and different...

I'd like to say that I spoke back to this woman, but of course I didn't. I felt so small and stupid and smothering of C that I put my head down and said nothing at all.

Was she justified? I had only just got there when she arrived, but she wouldn't know that. Am I doing the wrong thing by C in trying to 'help' her? I know that if I get there earlier then she will follow me out of school as she's done it in the past...

Am I being a little bit precious in my reaction? I mean this headteacher should be aware that C is Autistic, but is she? I don't know....

What would you have done?
What would you do if it happens again? (It has happened before, when C was in tears and not wanting to go into her classroom as she'd been off sick for a couple of days).

All thoughts welcome, and feel free to tell me if I am being a total princess about the whole thing.

Hiya hun

No need to worry at length of post, mine r bad enough!

Ok well going on what i already know about C and sch (like in the past she has left the sch and the staff were not aware) i would say that u are being very cautious about her getting into class safe and well.

Surely the teacher is aware of her problems & what has happened in the in the past? your her mum and U KNOW HER BEST! regardless of what others make us feel like at times

I would have a word with her teacher when poss and in private to discuss what is needed to ensure C comes into sch with as little problems as poss.

Good luck and keep us updated hun.

Hi there, I know Im taking a break but popped in a second and had to respond. It seems like this teacher has no understanding whatsoever. I know our children need to learn to be more independent but they need alot more help and structure to be able to do this. I know that my dd will never be completely independent but we are taking steps to help her like asking her to put something in the bin, sometimes she does it other times she dosent depending on mood or wether she has understood what Ive asked (I can ask her in the same way each time and sometimes she understands other times she dosent. The school should be putting measures into place to help C become independent in this area, which they need to be aware will not happen over night or even in a month or so, it needs to be a long term plan, my dd is getting better but is 9 now and has been working on this since she started school and still needs supervision and quite often guidance and prompts but is getting there and sometimes can do it independently.

First school need to understand that C cannot under any circumstances be left unsupervised to do this in case she wanders off.

If C responds to planners they could use a visual planner/timetable (has worked wonders with dd) to plan every step eg take off coat (then post symbol) hang up coat (then post symbol) and have a reward when the whole task is completed, could be a desired activity eg drawing. But they would have to stick to this if they decide they havent got time one morning it could set her back (this has happened to dd in the past). This hopefully would put her on the right path to become more independent in this area, either that or insist what you are already are doing is working for C (easier said than done I know) because if its working why change? they need to have more understanding of Cs autism.

A few years ago I would have probably not said anything at all (Im a very shy person) but I always speak up now, not on other things but when it comes to dd Im a lioness now because I know how badly dd can react to the wrong approaches being used.

You certainly arnt over reacting school need to be more unstanding, its their job to put plans in place to help C in areas like this (and not just in the classroom) she needs help with her social and self help skills aswell as her school work, in fact at home I put more time and effort into social and self help skills than any other area.

Take care hun, speak to school about this and try to take someone with you either a friend, family member or someone from parent partnership could possible come along if you have no luck.

Thinking of you xxx

I totally agree with all the above. When you feel the time is right speak to the Head & let her know how she made you feel too. Good luck & keep us informed. xx

Well, I thought I'd make sure I was right, so I took her to school just a few minutes earlier yesterday.

We got there just as the children had gone in and were taking off their coats.

Charlotte took off her coat, hung it up and promptly left the classroom!

She left because lessons hadn't started and she didn't see why she shouldn't wander off...(school have 'taught' her that she can't walk out when lessons have started)

That would be relatively OK, but the school is 'open' as the parents are still leaving (and arriving) and C could and would walk out if she felt like it.

It took me longer to get her back into the classroom than it would have taken to settle her enough to leave her, so I feel totally vindicated.

I don't like the idea of scoring a victory over this headteacher like this, but I am her mummy and I WAS RIGHT.

Next time I will be ready and I WON'T duck my head and shuffle off, I will stick up for my baby. I will be a lioness too. ROAR!!!

Very impressed mum2c!! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!! Go girl!! Get 'em!! xx