I really neeed some advice please

dont know where to start&this is probably gonna be a mind bending ramble, and will prob take up 2 posts lol,just need to put my situation&thoughts down as it has happened etc etc,hope u can understand how I put things&I really appreciate all of you,even if you read the first 2 lines of my dilemma lol,ok..il begin

I have j,9 (ADHD) and his brother m,7( ns)over the past 8/9mths m has become increasingly violent,(lets think kevin from kevin&perry)
he gets so angry&nasty,he even bares his teeth&*growls* at people instead of shouting or trying to talk,he does not swear,he*SPELLS IT OUT* instead of saying it but when he is angry he picks up ANYTHING to hand whether it be a bit of paper,a shoe,scissors,pen,boot and will LAUNCH it at whoever has *p'd* him off.we were sat watching tv and J glanced across at M, THAT WAS IT, M growled DONT LOOK AT ME J OR IL GET YOU,J was shocked so I said to M "hes done nothing wrong,just looking around" that was it a full on paddy ensued,M throwing things&trying to get J
At the weekend they were on the trampoline,bickering like brothers do when M decided to pick up an old deckchair&try launch it over the enclosure to hit J
m will kick,(kicked my hall wall in with his heel) stamp,try to bite and go wild when he is annoyed,EVEN if thers no reason or he has been told NO
ive had the usual"maybe j gets more attention with having adhd&hes left out or copying his behaviour"
No ,I treat my boys the same and mason has been fully involved with everythin,explaining about his brothers adhd,chatting about his camhs apts,even helping j with his medication(bless him)
I know m has always done*naughty things* but have I not noticed it because J was so bad?now J is settling down on his meds,I see m showing similar behaviour,I dont think I have any worries with adhd as M is so bright &well behaved at school(tho he has come on home on occasions&said he's brayed someone&he didnt get caught)I asked him WHY he get so mad&he just says"i dont know,my body does it"
OH and that he wants to tell his tescher to P.I.S OFF cos she is boring so thats why he piks his trousers!well ive spoke to the school support worker&we done a referral
to family support with the hope of getting him a support worker,i held my hands up,Im struggling,she says ive done the right thing by asking for help,we are also gonna arrange a hearing test as m*ignores* people then gets frustrated when he is spoken to again LOUDLY,

I want to get to the bottom of this and get M any help he needs,makes me wonder,IS there a problem? their dad beat me black&blue r***d me&hurt my boys by dropping or throwing them,their aunt also has a personality disorder but I dont know what as we have no contact
we do everything together,we talk openly about their feelings/school/friends etc and I do the best I can yet I dont think ive been doing so great over the last couple of years,I have a bad day with the lads(who doesnt) but i can get so upset,cry&puke or so MAD i wanna nut the wall( and I have done both on several occasions BUT NEVER INFRONT OF THE BOYS)then theres times I want to scoop them up in my arms,take all the money from my bank&spoil them rotten,book holidays i cant afford or just buy them something cos i want to cos i love them,I just feel nervous im not doing enough&it upsets me but then we put MTV on and party together which is brill as i feel im being positive..dont get me wrong,we do this anyway without me being sad or down,like we go out,we play,we have burger king etc but when i get these real down/super happy feelings it scares me,PLEASE id appreciate ANY advice,its like when Im down,i feel its becasue im not doing good enough so i get down,yet when Im UP,im SUPER mum and NOTHING can stop us,anyone else get like this?

Lolly, it sounds to me as you're suffering with bi-polar disorder, exteme highs and lows, you need to see your doctor URGENTLY, as this is a serious condtion and if not treated and stabilised, will affect you and everyone around you no matter how hard you try and control it, I know I have suffered for years.
Go to this website and see if this helps www.pendulum.org. but I urge to to go to the DOCTORS TOMORROW. As for the problems you are facing with M, I don't have any answers for you sorry. Please please let me know how you get on
Kebab xx

I hope u get the help and peace u need hun

I agree with Kebab that you should go to the doctors as soon as possible cos you do have some classic symptons of bipolar or something similiar.

As for the problems you are having with your child it sounds to me like a vicious circle going round & round of behaviour problems feeding off of each others moods.

Even when we try to hide our worries & concerns from our kids they pick up from us that something isn't right but cos they don't have the words or experiences to express themselves it comes out in their behaviour. This can be even days after the event.

You have done the right thing in asking for help but don't forget about yourself cos you need help & support too before you burn yourself out.

Go to your doctor this week & tell him or her exactly what you have told us.

Let us know how you get on..xx

Oh, Lolly

I read your post first and wondered if you'd got in my head somehow! Honestly, your house sounds a lot like mine, although I only have C to contend with. And she can certainly be a contender!

However, I do agree with Bambi, Grandma and Kebab. I don't know much about bi-polar, but I know a lot about serious mood swings and I know that I am either up or down and there's nothing in the middle. I also know about depression (the black dog haunts me!! ) and I agree that you should go and talk to a sympathetic doctor. You have had so much cr@p in the past and life isn't exactly quiet for us, is it?

Good luck, and please let us know how it goes, but do something about it, for your own sake. You can't live your life feeling that way, as it isn't much fun....

Lolly, I know you are probably busy but I need to know if you are alright, if you don't want to poat back then please pm me.

Hi Lolly, just posting to see how u are hun?

Thinking of u, pls do let us know if any joy at the docs and an update on how things are at the mo.

Take care

hey all i forgot to reply sorry lol
been to the docs had bloods done and an ecg to see if im diabetic or have a throid problem
ecg came back fine,blood sugar was a bit high,went back for another test&was told to book an apt to see doc for results,couldnt get a pre bookable apt for 3 weeks!(our surgery like u to see the same doc for the same prob)
what with one thing and another i havent been back for my results so surely if anything showed in my tests they would of rung..i will go back,promise xx

Yes they would have rang u i would have thought, to be sure ring up and then ur mind can be at rest

Hows ur moods of late? and have u spoken to anyone about how u feel and can feel at times?

ive felt*normal* for a few wks now so I think,but when i look back,ive had the tears&worthless feeilng and also the bizarre giddy/excited/nervous feeling,but each of these happen maybe once or twice every 6 weeks,i can feel like i do now(happy/stressed with the kids but ok) then i can go to bed and cry if something sets me off,or put music on and dance with the kids again if something sets me off like a good song,its hard to describe,the boys are both chilled doing their own thing&i feel dead calm/peaceful at the mo&want to go to bed feeling like that but i dont know whats gunna happen in the mean time(good song comes on mtv so we stay up) or the Nspcc adverts come on and i cry&feel so shitty&go to bed sobbing,sorry if this sounds so bizarre,but thats just how i am,thanks for asking hun&i hope your ok
xx

that is exactly how I feel, I have to take each day as it comes, so it makes it difficult to make plans, I understand that is different for you as you have kids so you have to try harder.
Did you go on the website I suggested as they have a check list you can look at, please look at it as I really do think you have alot of traites assosiated whith Bipolar. Let me know how you get on xx

yep hun i did one of the tests an it say theres a possibility of bi-polar& obviously i dont really know much about the condition or how it affects people but I know im not exactly gunna go out and shave me head like britney(not being awful to the poor girl or anyone with bipolar) its bizzarre how the felings come and go,like again today,ive been to a friends for coffee&everything is cool,im not in tears&im not jumping round to music lol..well not yet,till i have to do the dusting lol!
how do you deal with it if u dont mind me asking?
xx

That's the problem people only see the extremes, you ask grandma that is nothing like me, yes you can tell when i'm up or down or having a funny day.
It's hard to explain how I deal with it, you'd be better off asking Grandma as she knows me better than I know myself. my condition was much like yours, but as the years have passed I have progressivly got worse, and had to have my meds changed a couple of times, I like to think I'm in a more stable state these days, 1, because I am on a lot stronger meds and 2, I left my place of work which was a very big factor, especially being bullied, I say left, what I really mean was I went off sick and after a year they finally terminated my employment, which I know I would never have ever done.
Sorry am rambling on, I hope this helps. If you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask xx